So I found a hole in my jumper and start looking for safety pins to temporarily repair it before I go out.
My dad walks in and says “Are you alright mate?” I tell him that I was looking for safety pins. He pauses, reaches into his pocket and pulls one out, gives it to me and says “I have a few more if you need them” and walks out.
Pretty sure if I managed to turn everyone in my town into my personal army and arm them all I could take the UK in two days (weather permitting)
The Ten Commandments of Logic
Reblogging to remind myself when attacking someone…’s argument.
best sexual position is 609 (girl lie one way, boy lie other way, dragon egg between them is incubated by their body heat)
This sounds egg-cellent.
MUTHA. FUCKIN. CLOYSTER.
AND SAY. IT. TO. MAH. FAYCE.
This GIF is perfect for a guy’s first time.
Don’t you sass me, Facebook!
GUYS AT WORK WE WERE DOING A GLASS PAINTING PROJECT AND MY DESIGN WAS THIS
THATS GALLIFREYAN FOR “FUCK BITCHES, GET MONEY.”
PLOT TWIST 2: IT’S GONNA BE ON DISPLAY IN MY CITY’S ART GALLERY
this is my most reblogged text post
hahaha can you imagine the doctor strolling into that city art gallery and doing a double take at that
This is beautiful.
All of the posts that I have been blogged were created between June 2011 and November 2012, whenever I remember that I had an old blog.
Since nobody uses the website that I used to post them on, I have been migrating them all to here and when I’ve finished dumping the old ones, I’ll start making new ones.
Being busy makes writing daily notes hard. Bloody revision. I’m only 1 of 5 people I know still needs to revise for exams AND we’re back at school again doing A2 levels. Now THAT is a pisstake. The annoying part? I don’t even plan on taking one of the subjects I have to go to, but I guess it helps, just in case I fail an exam and suddenly be forced into a world of physics where everything you thought you knew and used to know is completely wrong and you now need to rethink life all over again. I don’t mind physics that much. It’s just a complete mindfuck half the time, half the reason I didn’t get into it at the beginning of the year. Personally, I feel sorry for whoever has to take physics next year because they’re only taking 3 subjects or they’ve completely failed or hate another subject. Year 13 physics does NOT look too appealling. I’d probably rather listen to Justin Bieber whilst banging my head against a wall shouting ‘GET OUT YOU BASTARD!’ Yes. I reused a joke. HA!
Saying that, I’m taking further maths again next year (probably). That’ll be worse. Maths.. but hard. Very hard. So hard you could cry at some of it. Unless you plan on crying through the exam and drying your eyes on the test paper in a bid to avoid the unavoidable, palpable fact that failure is a possibility and rendering the test paper into a form of papier mache made from maths and tears would be the only option out short of not turning up or having a manic depressive breakdown in the middle of the exam hall floor.
A nervous breakdown is always a viable option to sitting exams that you don’t want to sit. It’s just a better way of telling the examiners to ‘piss off and let me get on with my life you boring old bastard’. Obviously that would get you nowhere, but it would be a fun way to fail an exam. Setting off fireworks could work, but that would be far more noticeable, rather messy, likely to go wrong and end up in a criminal offence. You could do a Spanish and either release bulls into the hall or throw tomatoes everywhere. Have a siesta.
Seriously though, without school we’d all be unemployed and appearing on Jeremy Kyle because dressing up our dogs as butlers apparently doesn’t give them to skill to actually be a butler and punishing them for not being able to carefully carry a drink to your pit in the sofa where your benefits are rightfully earned is probably not the highest ideal for society. It could always be worse. Just remember that when you next accidentally spill drink up your nose or put something where it shouldn’t be because it felt like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight it’s just caused more trouble that it’s worth and you were close to gaining that sought after criminal record as afore mentioned. It’s a lot easier than that. Just set fire to a bush.
…Why do people make computer viruses? What possible reason could somebody have to make somebody else’s computers just fail? Is it that Bill Gates secretly runs an underground computer virus making base where he has Japanese sweatshop brainiacs developing a new virus every day so he can rake in more cash with his grubby little Warhammer playing fingers from people phoning Microsoft in panic when their Windows suddenly decides to fail?
I think it’s sad nerds who have nothing better to do with their time but to think up more ways to be a general bastard and prove himself useless to the gene pool over and over again because all his life revolves around is proving Darwin’s theory of evolution wrong, playing World of Warcraft and probably creating a scale model of a Warhammer figure in his spare room- or his mother’s spare room, actually. I could be wrong, but it’s more than likely there are people like this who use computers just to piss everyone else off and play online games until their eyes melt, which would be pretty funny to watch, given the circumstances. I also think they’re the stereotypical lispy adenoid American nerd with no friends, a dodgy shirt tucked into ill-fitting trousers with a belt that’s too tight who wears glasses and a retainer and argues who has the best pocket protector. So, Bill Gates after all.
Apparently the Scottish are quite good inventors, which is surprising, because I know a Scottish person and the only thing I can think of them inventing is a new way of picking their nose and a tartan handbag that doesn’t stand out a mile away decorated with small pigs. They invented wave-powered electricity generators which is weird, because they all live about 200 metres above sea level, rendering them completely useless and therefore quite possibly the most ill fitting invention since solar powered torches. A lot of their inventions were helpful in advancing transport, though, which doesn’t surprise me, I’d want to leave Scotland too, if I were them. Ironically, they didn’t invent haggis, tartan or bagpipes and it’s unlikely anyone would credit them with inventing giant lumps of wood, so not many Scottish inventions have actually been useful to the Scottish themselves. At least the Irish invented Irish whiskey. It COULD be worse. They could’ve invented black highlighters.